Chronicles of "Edam Gouda"- The Tumbleweed Explorer. Volume 1- "Human Marionette"

We've all seen them. On TV. At the Theatre...Cartoon or Real Life- whether you want to admit it or not. We all loved Pinocchio and his strings until he "became a REAL boy". Secretly, everyone wants to be Gipetto, Right? Well, on this shift, much like the rest but not so much...they had an opprotunity, and it was seized... like the chance to have knees without hinges.
Once upon a time-
"Me and my moving buddy- we're sitting; couch posting at *Insert Local ER Here*. Our pager ruins our rare moment of patient-less bliss, "Code Red without Stage". We shake off our daze and, "OK...received". Code Red. I'm driving. My name is: Edam Gouda- The Tumbleweed Explorer. My moving buddy is new. We'll call him "The Journalist". Let the Voice in the Sky know they can announce us- "On-scene. We get out. We see nothing but stairs...

We leave our gurney and hike up to meet our fate. The crew is standing around the patient...he is flat on his back. The Journalist-"So, What's up?". Lt. Obvious- "This guy is just drunk. Take him to *Insert Local ER Here*...buuuuut, we can't get him to stand up. Aaaaand...he won't walk for us." (Awesome. Gurney + stairs = Not gonna happen.) I walk over to our "Man down". I approach from behind his head. I slide my foot under..."Do you wanna walk??" *Nodding head with my foot*= "YES!" "Do you wanna stand up??" *Head nodding involuntarily again* = "YES!" "Good! Let's get up!". (The Crew is laughing hysterically as is my moving buddy, while I squat down; grab Mr. Man Down under the arms, and yard him up on to his feet.)

Then-
We "Walk"...I kick my foot behind Mr. Man Down's leg. *KICK* Right. *KICK* Left...Repeat. They laugh...We "Walk"...They laugh... We "Walk"...They cackle...We??...WALK.

Mr. Man Down and I reach the stairs. Dilemma? Not quite. Now- while still laughing, The Crew has joined in the "Two-Legged relay"... With the help of one of them, we Bunny hop Mr. Man Down all the way down the stairs...one *KICK* "Step" at a time. All 20 of them.

While chuckling, we all load Mr. Man Down on to our gurney. Straps- Check. Lift- Check. Load- Check. We transport. Lift- Check. Unload- Check. Help *KICK* "Walk" aka- lift to hospital bed. Story = "Meet Mr. Man Down. He's Drunk. The End." We clear.

In the rig, "The Journalist" is in awe of what happened on-scene..."Oh...MY...GOD! THAT- was AWESOME. I'm putting that in my journal (scribbling feverishly in little bound pad of amazing)" To the Voice in the Sky- "Show us clear." Page- *Puppeteer needed for your next*

To this very day- THAT was the only time that I have done something like that with a patient...(While cackling uncontrollably while reliving the story as it's documented). My first and only "Human Marionette"