Hello, 9-1-1?? Yes, I'm too lazy to walk to my car....

It's unfortunate that it seems every year, the age of those using 9-1-1: routinely, as if using a phone version of Goolge, gets younger and younger. Since entering in to the world of EMS, I transport more people younger than me than traumatic injuries. AND- for things that, for lack of a better term- are seeking attention as a child would while throwing a temper tantrum. This one, barely a few years in to their 20's, already plays the system and wins...expect tonight.



Voluntary extra hours in Latte Meca. Many of the "Professional People Movers" in my field take on the title of Glutton for punishment by doing this exact thing. We all know what we're really in for, but we sign up anyway. Regardless of admiting it or not, there is that small glimmer of hope that it will be to truly SAVE A LIFE each shift, 'cuz all of us at "Your Ride is Here International" know it isn't for the money.

I have no idea who shares my Sick Bus tonight. Signing in is like standing on the edge of "The Plank"...fortunately for me though, this shift is with Rick Roll! Late 20's, educated with a studious look enhanced by the specticles firmly placed on his nose; average height, and with an unsermountable wit that to this day, amazes me. No plunging in to shark infested waters with a terrible partner. To make it even better, the next episode of my gluttony takes place with him as well. Two shifts in a row! The EMS gods have smiled on us...for now.

Of course, being on extra hours, we get a bucket. This is definitely NOT a "Little Sick Bus that could" kind of night. As we head in to Latte Meca, my teeth rattle to the same vibration that Rick Roll shakes to in the driver's seat- the land yacht with the AARP sticker in the rear window, speeding past us with a blur of blue hair *HEAVY EXHALE* as we finallay hit 0-60mph...in 32 seconds.

Call #1, right out of the gate- "Uuuhm yes. I'm gonna need to start you guys to the complete other end of the city for a request for assistance walking down to their car in the driveway. Caller states she will be laying on the floor waiting for your arrival. Family didn't know caller used 9-1-1. They also say that this is ridiculous but are looking forward to seeing you shortly." (Now, the sarcasm may or may NOT be a little heavy. However, that does not negate the fact that is EXACTLY why we were called.) Rick Rolls' jaw has dropped. We make eye contact in silence. No words needed since our thoughts are EX-actly the same. "Ok. En route."

As we putz up the highway, floored...we hit a little holiday traffic. Typical. Everyone has to get their spot to watch the "Ooooo...Aaaaaaw" causing display of legal explosion's in store for us tonight. It's funny because each year, some newbie actually thinks that "It's gonna be awesome! I'm getting paid holiday rate to WATCH the fireworks!". It's almost cute LOL!

25 minutes passes as we reverberate up in front of the only run down house on the block. "On-scene". We get out. Rick Roll gets a bit of a head start as I lock up and get my blue hand shields in place. Mom greets us with a wave from the door, smiling. Not usually the expression you'd expect having called for Emergency services. *SHRUG* Whatev.

Inside, we see an early 20's, laying next to the couch on the floor...not ON the couch...the, F-L-O-O-R. Her eyes squinted with the occasional single eyed sneak-a-peek action to see if we're looking. "I just got home and she said she called for the ambulance." Rick Roll starts chatting with our 9-1-1 patron. "She did this a few months ago too. Then she quite drinking and has been fine." Mom continues, very uninterestedly. "I can't walk. *SINGLE EYED PEEKING* I need to be carried." Her purse- overflowing with face products, sitting next to her with a "please bring that, I need it so I can wash my face before I leave later."

As Rick Roll gets better acquainted, Mom tells me more about the repetitive cycle of "unnecessary calls". And says she is going to drive them to the ER, but her mini-me "plays this game and usually gets carried. They do this after they drink...they know they're aren't supposed to, but they do it anyway."

Rick Roll overhears this and- after completing his eval and verifying the clinical picture is not necessitating our medical expertise, makes his move. "Let's go ahead and stand up and we'll get ya down to the car and going, shall we?" Our once "10/10" pain stating mid 20 year old, rolls effortlessly to their side and stands up, sitting down to put on their sandals, before throwing out a hand for "help" advancing down to the car. On both sides of them, we descend the stairs. "let me get that door for ya."- Rick Roll reaches for the handle. Our 9-1-1 patron sits. Adjusts. "Thank you." And off they go.

Rick Roll- pleased with himself, rightfully so...bounces in to the rig with a grin. "And THAAAAAAT'S how it's done!". During this time, multiple calls came through in our broken system...but we were needed for a personal escort to the car, like a valet at a ritzy hotel...

...if only we could accept tips :-/ Sometimes, people just need a little bit of a reminder that their legs DO work.