*****Firstly- I will point out that this one is a doozy in length...but shortened, just doesn't quite express the level of "DUH" I am looking to get across ;-) ENJOY!!*****
We all learn how/what to use 9-1-1 for growing up. Right around the same time when learning your phone number and address was a homework assignment. When you were told to *STERN MOTHERLY VOICE*, "Don't answer the door for strangers!"...Right?! Yes...in the before time- when you could count your age on ONE hand! I remember being told how to use 9-1-1 as clearly as having my tonsils out...airway obstructing, pain caused necessity. NOT just for the treat of unlimited fruity flavored Popsicle's. *SIGH*
This night has been silly, and not in the "Circus Clown" kind of way. Since Rick Roll and I escorted our first call down the stairs to her car at the start of shift, we have only had 1...O-N-E...call that actually needed an ambulance- Quite a long time before even. But just as the times have changed showing increase in overuse of 9-1-1 for non-emergencies, this Elderly Lady was from the before time...When calling 9-1-1 was worst case scenario, which apparently...she didn't feel was where she was just yet. But! We will get to her in a later post...promise.
So, as we show up on our next- "*SIGH* You can show us on." falls from Rick Rolls mouth. He grabs his gloves as we both roll out of our doors. *LOOKING UP* Two women, accompanied by firefighters are chatting each other up while they all descend the stairs. *HEAD COCKING TO THE SIDE*, "Maybe we are gonna get cancelled??" I read from Rick Rolls lips over the heavy grumble of our diesel bus. Sadly for us though, this is purely yet another call where two dudes are uncomfortable talking about "Lady parts and their inter-workings"...
As I climb in the back, all I'm able to make out of the conversation happening between my partner and the other crew is- "T.S.S...Tampon...Cramps...Expiration date." What?! One of those things is NOT like the others if the past days of Sesame Street serve me correctly. My patient is now joining me in the back, "Go ahead and have a seat; kick up you legs on to the gurney and we'll get ya strapped in. I'm *Your Ride is Here*, what's your name?"...*MOMENTARY CEASE IN TEXTING* "Um, I'm 'Normal Cramp Discomfort'...my mom is coming, right?" I nod as I hone in my listening skills with stethoscope in place, listening for the "Shock symptoms in her BP" described by the first on crew. "128/76. Nice. How old are you?" She answers very matter of factly, "17!". *TEXTING RESUMES*. Rick Roll and I make eye contact with the "This is BS" look in our eyes.
As the other crew leaves, I am finishing getting the whole truth, and hopefully nothing but the truth. But like most other calls, this story continues to change. *DOOR SHUTTING* Mom buckles in while trying to talk to me between the separating window...Can't...hear...a...word. *DOOR SHUTTING AGAIN* Rick Roll shifts his glance of "Are you kidding me?!" back in the rear view mirror.
"So, tell me what caused you to call 9-1-1 tonight, since I didn't really get an idea of what's going on, from the other crew." I say, actually increasingly interested in the REAL reason. Starting my report- "Well, I think I have T.S.S..." NOW! For those of you that don't know, that stands for 'Toxic Shock Syndrome'...infection and complication from leaving *PLUGGING EARS* used tampons in place for excessive periods of time. (I'm sorry...I know that some things can't be unheard. But I'm sure you'll survive! If not, you can always call 9-1-1 for it...JUST KIDDING!)
"Why do you think that? I heard mention of cramps, are you still having them?"..."yea."
OK- question #2- "When was your last cycle?"..."just stopped."
#3- "Like...when, today, last night?"..."late last night/early this morning."
#4- "Do you usually have cramps for a few days after? Are they the same as they would normally be or worse/different location/changing in quality?..."No *PAUSE FOR INCOMING TEXT*...they're the same.
#5-"Have you..." *BLURTING OUT, WHILE IRRITATEDLY DROPPING PHONE TO LAP* "I took some Advil yesterday. They went away. I didn't take any today. I'm just really worried that I have T.S.S because the tampons I had were out of an old box AND... (the kicker) they didn't have an expiration date on them!" *BLANK STARE...JAW DROPPING* (I'm SO confused...is THIS...Rrrrrr-EALLY happening?!)
Mom speaks up from the front, so I move closer to have a chat. "She's been fine all day. Then- she went to bed at like 7p...(It's 10p now) and has been in bed ever since.And that's strange- SO early. (Well...it IS night time??) And then she wanted me to call 9-1-1 because she said she had T.S.S. I couldn't find an expiration date on the box and she said that she NEEDED to go to *INSERT LOCAL ER HERE*. I tried to get her to take some Advil for her cramps but she refused and I just want to make sure she doesn't have it!"
*****Do you know what the sound of moments you will never get back sounds like?? I do...JUST like that....gone for eh-VER!*****
Rick Roll is staring straight forward...not a single movement except looking at me in the mirror. I know he is thinking exactly what I am, but trying with all his might to not allow himself to succumb to the diarrhea of the lips forcing their way from my mouth right now!
"Soooo, just to clarify *ENTER- SARCASM...STAGE LEFT* so I can pass everything on correctly to the hospital- you guys believe she has T.S.S because there wasn't an expiration date on her tampons...that she has been using all cycle without complications. And, there isn't currently any change in how/what she normally experiences with her cycle- before AND after... and she hasn't had a fever or vomiting or ANY other associated complaints...Haaaaasn't left them in for greater than 8 hours....with no Advil like normally used to treat her cramps? Does that sound right?" (Now, usually...all it takes is someone hearing their own statements/complaints, to let the "that sounds RIDICULOUS!!" moment make a surprise appearance...however, we just weren't THAT lucky tonight. *SHAKING HEAD*)
After a LOOOOONG pause (c'mon...C'MON...you can do it...I see the wheels of thought working...C'mon!!) "Well, yea. That's right." *SIGH* Fail...it's official. I have just lost the rest of the hope I had for the world.
"Ok, Well...I'm not a doctor, but...coming from one Woman to another, who has had a cycle for quite a few years after Tampons have been a god-send: You, successfully...procreating...so, you should be aware that Tampons don't...h-ave *NECESSARY EMPHASIS ON EACH SYLLABLE*...an expiration date, right? Boxes may list a 'packaging date' but the only thing that may fade in them is, if you purchase scented ones & I guess- POSSIBLY, the scent may disperse over time. So...like I said- I am not a doctor, but I believe it is PRETTY safe to say that there is no need for concern of T.S.S. My recommendation would be to get to bed after some Advil- or whatever it is that she normally uses. Rest and see how she feels in the morning. A children's specialty center ER isn't going to be the most appropriate fit for...what is going on."
Now as I'm sure you all use- good 'ol Google, SADLY has plenty of people that have seemed to ask this very question (I do believe this might have been better addressed in Sex Ed...when we were first having this terrible monthly visitor)...however, the common misconception is a packaging date or series of numbers that- towards the end "resembles" what MIGHT look like a year. Just to clarify for everyone out there:
Tampons have no expiration date. As long as the package is in place and sealed there shan't be concern for possible infection causing particulates and other things of that nature. The only thing that MAY expire, per say- would be the scent if those are the types used. And by "expire" I mean "loss of level of potency" of said smell. *T.S.S can only be caused from excessive episodes of leaving a tampon in place for greater than 8 hours...religiously. And other IUD devices. Common sense= good self hygiene and..."When in doubt, throw it out!" *LOUD SPEAKER EFFECT* -TAMPONS DO NOT EXPIRE...
OK! Phew! I feel SO much better getting that out ;-) LOL!
To wrap it up, the patient AND her mother were insistent on being transported...via Sick Bus, for Baseline cramps post normal menstrual cycle...stable vitals with no new complaints or illness/shock symptoms. These two, had no car. They reside in a upper class and well known woman's only shelter in Latte Meca. I've always wondered if that were my living situation, would I have the newest model of "iPhone" and such an AMAZING COACH PURSE?!?!?! No...my life started out in one. But- my momma raised me RIGHT!
We all learn how/what to use 9-1-1 for growing up. Right around the same time when learning your phone number and address was a homework assignment. When you were told to *STERN MOTHERLY VOICE*, "Don't answer the door for strangers!"...Right?! Yes...in the before time- when you could count your age on ONE hand! I remember being told how to use 9-1-1 as clearly as having my tonsils out...airway obstructing, pain caused necessity. NOT just for the treat of unlimited fruity flavored Popsicle's. *SIGH*
This night has been silly, and not in the "Circus Clown" kind of way. Since Rick Roll and I escorted our first call down the stairs to her car at the start of shift, we have only had 1...O-N-E...call that actually needed an ambulance- Quite a long time before even. But just as the times have changed showing increase in overuse of 9-1-1 for non-emergencies, this Elderly Lady was from the before time...When calling 9-1-1 was worst case scenario, which apparently...she didn't feel was where she was just yet. But! We will get to her in a later post...promise.
So, as we show up on our next- "*SIGH* You can show us on." falls from Rick Rolls mouth. He grabs his gloves as we both roll out of our doors. *LOOKING UP* Two women, accompanied by firefighters are chatting each other up while they all descend the stairs. *HEAD COCKING TO THE SIDE*, "Maybe we are gonna get cancelled??" I read from Rick Rolls lips over the heavy grumble of our diesel bus. Sadly for us though, this is purely yet another call where two dudes are uncomfortable talking about "Lady parts and their inter-workings"...
As I climb in the back, all I'm able to make out of the conversation happening between my partner and the other crew is- "T.S.S...Tampon...Cramps...Expiration date." What?! One of those things is NOT like the others if the past days of Sesame Street serve me correctly. My patient is now joining me in the back, "Go ahead and have a seat; kick up you legs on to the gurney and we'll get ya strapped in. I'm *Your Ride is Here*, what's your name?"...*MOMENTARY CEASE IN TEXTING* "Um, I'm 'Normal Cramp Discomfort'...my mom is coming, right?" I nod as I hone in my listening skills with stethoscope in place, listening for the "Shock symptoms in her BP" described by the first on crew. "128/76. Nice. How old are you?" She answers very matter of factly, "17!". *TEXTING RESUMES*. Rick Roll and I make eye contact with the "This is BS" look in our eyes.
As the other crew leaves, I am finishing getting the whole truth, and hopefully nothing but the truth. But like most other calls, this story continues to change. *DOOR SHUTTING* Mom buckles in while trying to talk to me between the separating window...Can't...hear...a...word. *DOOR SHUTTING AGAIN* Rick Roll shifts his glance of "Are you kidding me?!" back in the rear view mirror.
"So, tell me what caused you to call 9-1-1 tonight, since I didn't really get an idea of what's going on, from the other crew." I say, actually increasingly interested in the REAL reason. Starting my report- "Well, I think I have T.S.S..." NOW! For those of you that don't know, that stands for 'Toxic Shock Syndrome'...infection and complication from leaving *PLUGGING EARS* used tampons in place for excessive periods of time. (I'm sorry...I know that some things can't be unheard. But I'm sure you'll survive! If not, you can always call 9-1-1 for it...JUST KIDDING!)
"Why do you think that? I heard mention of cramps, are you still having them?"..."yea."
OK- question #2- "When was your last cycle?"..."just stopped."
#3- "Like...when, today, last night?"..."late last night/early this morning."
#4- "Do you usually have cramps for a few days after? Are they the same as they would normally be or worse/different location/changing in quality?..."No *PAUSE FOR INCOMING TEXT*...they're the same.
#5-"Have you..." *BLURTING OUT, WHILE IRRITATEDLY DROPPING PHONE TO LAP* "I took some Advil yesterday. They went away. I didn't take any today. I'm just really worried that I have T.S.S because the tampons I had were out of an old box AND... (the kicker) they didn't have an expiration date on them!" *BLANK STARE...JAW DROPPING* (I'm SO confused...is THIS...Rrrrrr-EALLY happening?!)
Mom speaks up from the front, so I move closer to have a chat. "She's been fine all day. Then- she went to bed at like 7p...(It's 10p now) and has been in bed ever since.And that's strange- SO early. (Well...it IS night time??) And then she wanted me to call 9-1-1 because she said she had T.S.S. I couldn't find an expiration date on the box and she said that she NEEDED to go to *INSERT LOCAL ER HERE*. I tried to get her to take some Advil for her cramps but she refused and I just want to make sure she doesn't have it!"
*****Do you know what the sound of moments you will never get back sounds like?? I do...JUST like that....gone for eh-VER!*****
Rick Roll is staring straight forward...not a single movement except looking at me in the mirror. I know he is thinking exactly what I am, but trying with all his might to not allow himself to succumb to the diarrhea of the lips forcing their way from my mouth right now!
"Soooo, just to clarify *ENTER- SARCASM...STAGE LEFT* so I can pass everything on correctly to the hospital- you guys believe she has T.S.S because there wasn't an expiration date on her tampons...that she has been using all cycle without complications. And, there isn't currently any change in how/what she normally experiences with her cycle- before AND after... and she hasn't had a fever or vomiting or ANY other associated complaints...Haaaaasn't left them in for greater than 8 hours....with no Advil like normally used to treat her cramps? Does that sound right?" (Now, usually...all it takes is someone hearing their own statements/complaints, to let the "that sounds RIDICULOUS!!" moment make a surprise appearance...however, we just weren't THAT lucky tonight. *SHAKING HEAD*)
After a LOOOOONG pause (c'mon...C'MON...you can do it...I see the wheels of thought working...C'mon!!) "Well, yea. That's right." *SIGH* Fail...it's official. I have just lost the rest of the hope I had for the world.
"Ok, Well...I'm not a doctor, but...coming from one Woman to another, who has had a cycle for quite a few years after Tampons have been a god-send: You, successfully...procreating...so, you should be aware that Tampons don't...h-ave *NECESSARY EMPHASIS ON EACH SYLLABLE*...an expiration date, right? Boxes may list a 'packaging date' but the only thing that may fade in them is, if you purchase scented ones & I guess- POSSIBLY, the scent may disperse over time. So...like I said- I am not a doctor, but I believe it is PRETTY safe to say that there is no need for concern of T.S.S. My recommendation would be to get to bed after some Advil- or whatever it is that she normally uses. Rest and see how she feels in the morning. A children's specialty center ER isn't going to be the most appropriate fit for...what is going on."
Now as I'm sure you all use- good 'ol Google, SADLY has plenty of people that have seemed to ask this very question (I do believe this might have been better addressed in Sex Ed...when we were first having this terrible monthly visitor)...however, the common misconception is a packaging date or series of numbers that- towards the end "resembles" what MIGHT look like a year. Just to clarify for everyone out there:
Tampons have no expiration date. As long as the package is in place and sealed there shan't be concern for possible infection causing particulates and other things of that nature. The only thing that MAY expire, per say- would be the scent if those are the types used. And by "expire" I mean "loss of level of potency" of said smell. *T.S.S can only be caused from excessive episodes of leaving a tampon in place for greater than 8 hours...religiously. And other IUD devices. Common sense= good self hygiene and..."When in doubt, throw it out!" *LOUD SPEAKER EFFECT* -TAMPONS DO NOT EXPIRE...
OK! Phew! I feel SO much better getting that out ;-) LOL!
To wrap it up, the patient AND her mother were insistent on being transported...via Sick Bus, for Baseline cramps post normal menstrual cycle...stable vitals with no new complaints or illness/shock symptoms. These two, had no car. They reside in a upper class and well known woman's only shelter in Latte Meca. I've always wondered if that were my living situation, would I have the newest model of "iPhone" and such an AMAZING COACH PURSE?!?!?! No...my life started out in one. But- my momma raised me RIGHT!
LIKE. especially the last part.
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