Taser Tag

Night shift...my favorite. So many fun things to get into. I am working with the Lone Ranger...he's solo. Extra shift for me. We always have a good time. THIS night though, Wow...We both probably should have called it quits and gone home for a do-over.

Our night was REE-DIC-ULOUS! But entertaining and moving quickly. We get sent up for one outta our area...in another city actually, north of ours. No lights. No sirens...but driving "with a purpose" because we all know that yes- there is a deadline to our arrival on-scene.

We get called to the Precinct. Sleepy Hollow place, this one. Right next to a bunch of houses...I can imagine how the residents feel about constant police cars launching out of this place. But at least the response time if they had a home invasion, would be pretty amazing, right?? Would have to be one gutsy crook though if you think about it...Side tracked. Sorry. SO!

We show up. It looks like they are all out. No lights on. Call to the Voice in the Sky- "PD says to access the gate." Really? That's all PD has for us? Like that didn't cross our minds already. Not to mention that it is, guess what- locked and no one is around OR answering the call button. Info relayed to The Land above...Voice in the Sky, "We will show you cancelled. Head back down to the City." Awesome. We have, if we are lucky, about 20 minutes before we get there. Wrong...

Voice in the Sky, "They want you back. Someone will be out back to meet you." Sooooo, where were they the first time?? Whatev. We turn around and head back. Still no lights. No sirens. A little built in break time :-)
On-scene. An officer waiting for us by the gate...it's OPEN now. Perfect. We pull in; park, and get out. Told to follow inside. We grab our gurney. Gloves on. Walking down this teeny hallway with only a few inches on each side, we're told, "We will bring him out to you guys..." Where do they think we are going to have space to do this?? Ok, take their word for it.

*Hysterical laughter... on the inside* BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!! Right!! HA...The Pt is 6'6" and 325lbs...physically IMPOSSIBLE to get 'er done in this hall...now way we can even get the restraints. The guy is mellow; cooperative and chatty. Much better than usual. So, we wheel back out in to the back lot. The patient- we will call Goliath, sits down gingerly and smiles, "hey folks.", note heavy slur in speech and smell of Vodka Cran on the breath...Amazing how it gives me a headache immediately. PD takes off the cuffs and we explain what is going on as we place him in soft restraints for transport. He complies. No issues. One of the officers starts to give us a story..."In the before time..." (just kidding, but wouldn't it be great if all reports began that way?? LOL). "So, he is going in for an InVol...DUI. Routine stop. NO injuries. Compliant on-scene. Didn't wreck. Just...D-R-U-N-K. Down to *insert closest ER here*.

Goliath- "Just take me to jail. I don't need to go to the Hospital! Arrest me!" ( Yes- you were operating a motor vehicle while drunk...I agree with your request) He starts to become a little irrate...but he is restrained to our gurney, not exactly a huge threat. Lone Ranger is behind the head end...we're getting ready to lift up and in...

This sometimes happens- taking a DUI to the ER for lack of interest in paperwork it seems. Waste of the EMS system. So, another officer pulls up. He looks like a Keebler Elf in comparison to Goliath...kinda walks like one too. And so begins the unfortunate "short man" complex that we all hear about.

Officer Ernest J. Keebler, *heavy footed stride and insert running mouth to Pt 3x his size* "Calm down, You NEED to CALM DOWN!! *hand unclasping taser and waiting to draw* A little much, right?!

<<<Verbal altercation commences: Goliath saying some racist comments towards Officer Keebler>>>

Officer Keebler, "Let him go...LET HIM GO! Take off the restraints, I'll take him!." Uuuuhm ok...so we start to unstrap...*racist verbal exchange continues* Then, out of the corner of our eyes, Ranger and I see "the light"...and dart out of the way as we just about get tased...WTF?!

Lone Ranger and I- both livid. Thanks for the warning Officer Keebler...and solidifying the fact we need to go home.