My Partner- The Narcopletic

I wish that was really the case...Narcolepsy. At least THAT would make sense however, sadly it is NOT the reason behind why 48 hours a week, I feared for my life while rocking in the fetal position in the passenger seat. Sometimes though, while I drove- brought me entertainment *evil smirking*...like THIS shift:
Every shift with The Narcoleptic was the same...make-up and hair...giant designer shades and men. The Narcoleptic had a routine...and people they wanted to see, on and off shift. While going to school, working and running around shopping and whatever else they crammed into their already "short on time" life...The Narcoleptic was rarely awake. Sometimes a blessing. Even when they were awake though, I often prayed for my life. Lose/lose really :-(

SO, each shift began with signing in (while crossing my chest) and muttering a pre-shift prayer..."please-protect me from my partner and keep my alive for ONE more shift!". (Who needs to be worried about harm from patients, right?! Not me...The Narcoleptic will most likely finish me first. Seriously.) *Shaking head with fear* Fingers crossed, hoping I'd get to clock out in the morning.

Not only did The Narcoleptic have worse vision than a mole in the daylight (yes, I know they are blind to begin with...lol), but sudden sleeping threatened my (and my patients) safety...slowly taking points away from the big "Game of life" we all sometimes take for granted. From the 8 months survived working with The Narcoleptic, I treasure each moment- whether disappointing or otherwise, outside the ambulance....and within it.

With a heavy sense of disappointment and concern for my life- we head out. It's dusk. Let the shift begin. I feel like I'm spinning the barrel of a gun in a game of Russian Roulette each time The Narcoleptic gets behind the wheel. (If they only drank coffee we'd be safe!) But...today?! I must have saved the right person yesterday because, not only are they "Tired"..but they don't "Feel like driving"...are you kidding me?! I can't scramble across the center consul fast enough to call "Dibs" on the driver's seat! (Who needs to get out and walk around?! Valuable time- wasted!)

 Me- "Oh, well I'll drive then so you can rest. (Pffff...like I was really concerned about that!) The thoughts going through my head have suddenly been silenced with the overwhelming rush of excitement for the fact that tonight- I get to HOLD my own life in my hands...not pray that the doors are locked the next time I am in back in case The Narcoleptic falls asleep at a stoplight like before; finding us speeding through the intersection in the middle of the night- when they are abruptly woken up by a local transient tapping on the driver's window. (I don't know which is scarier...the vision of a face in the window waking you up or knowing there was no "Left. Right. Left" before "proceeding through the intersection"... *Shudder*

"Good Morning. Show us heading into Latte Meca.". Voice in the Sky-"And Goooooood Morning to you too! To the city." The Narcoleptic is already asleep...impressive. *Turning music up*

This is great! While they sleep (and drool a little), I get to go where I want. Run a few errands- in between running calls of course :-) Without any "Why do you need to go there?!" or "Ugh...I hate that place!". The "nagging wife" of this work marriage is silent...Aaaaaaah, the peace.

"Weeeee've GOT one for ya! Head on up for your next. I realize you are no where close by, but...well, it's all you!". Thanks...I'm sure that this one has been out for a while too. Meaning, by the time I start the rig back up, it will still be too late to haul balls to get there in time. Anytime now, The Narcoleptic's pager will start singing...and they will sleep- RIGHT through it. Makes me laugh that every time- right before they are "gonna take a nap", they put their pager on alert because "it will wake me up if we get a call"...Lies. Never once has that happened. I have even reached over and shut it off without so much as a twitch from them, LOL.

I am 10.2 mile away...Silly Google- don't you know about stop lights?! (Only 11 minutes...HA!!)

Rig on...Glow plug light? Out. Driving. Construction?! *Sigh...Shaking my head while rolling eyes* Excellent. Thanks for the heads up Voice in the Sky. Not like you have access to Web cams or anything. Well...looks like a delayed response time is quickly approaching my future. The Narcoleptic stirs...wait for it...Waaaaait foooor IT! Nada...and the mini version snoring continues.

3 minutes goes by. Same giant red stop sign sits, staring me in the face. My eyes locked with the silly lady holding it. Thoughts of the fact that she gets paid more than to stand there and keep me from moving when no work is being done, than I do to get thrown-up on; swung at; exposed; and potentially stuck with bio-contaminted sharps, makes me grind my teeth a little. Doesn't she see that I AM THE ONLY CAR?!??! Stare off brought to you in part by- Spite...*Heavy exhale*

"Looks like you got your call!!" Ready, set, BREAK! Ooops, looks like my siren was a little loud for her. Sick bus: 1. Construction version of a meter Maid: 0. (Don't judge...I'm not a jerk, just following orders..."Your siren will ALWAYS be used in tandem with your lights. NO exceptions!" I didn't make the rules :-P

Funny that as I drive through the city, four wheel over medians, lay on the air horn...The Narcoleptic- they sleep. Not like the siren wails any less loud on the inside of the rig. Oh Cr@p!! Stupid biker darts across the street- I brake...HARD. The Narcoleptic limp body lunges forward. Caught by the seat belt that I earlier buckled back up for them after Nap #1 commenced. I laugh as it reminds me of Jeff Dunham talking about giving his daughter the retractable leash attached to their Chihuahua...and slamming the leash brake on after letting it run full sprint in the yard.

Hard Right turn...their body slides Left. 5 miles left. Still sleeping. Stale yellow ahead...camera light?! STOPPING!!! Vision of retractable leash plays again...HA! They sit up- look around blankly...like a cat making it's bed, Que readjusting...aaaaaaaaand SLEEP! *Shaking my head*

Voice in the sky, "Uuuuuuhm, what's your ETA??" This is when my partner would be the one supposed to make radio traffic...I grab the mic, "2-3 out". oooOOOoo! This is a GREAT song! *Cranking music up* Godsmack's 'Cryin like a B$*$&- excellent code response music! The Rock in the rig doesn't wake them either...wonder if they are still breathing...*brief moment spent watching for chest rise/fall*...YUP! We're golden. Coming up on last few turns....Hard left! The Narcoleptic's head rolls right...IN TO the window! Anticipation for a grumble...a glare...anything...Ugh, let down. All my hard work using Centrifugal force, Inertia...wasted. Fail.

"On-scene." Park. Brake set. Seat belt off. "Hey...we're here!"...no response. "WE'RE...HEEEERE!!" *Shaking shoulder*. Still nothing. Last attempt...something I CAN'T stand...*Fingernail brushing ends of eyelashes* "Wake UP! We're on-scene!". Not...even...a...budge. Ugh, "Whatever." Getting out of rig...SLAMMING door!! I walk to the back to get the gurney- A firefighter is walking down the walk way...staring at my partner, still sleeping. "Are...they, sleeping??" I think I answered that with just the look on my face...way to go Captain Obvious...yes. Yes they are.

He walks over to the passenger door...this should be good. Always is. I shut the back doors and head up to the house with the gurney. He grabs the door handle...Soooo excited!!! I'm hoping I don't trip on anything while I walk forward, while looking back to see the soon bit of awesome about to take place.

Handle lifted...*CREEEEEEEK...* (this is the only moment where the door needing mass amounts of Wd-40, doesn't bother me...added efffect. Perfect.) The door opens....I can hardly contain myself! (What?! It's all about the little things! Don't poke fun at the little joys of my shifts ;-P)

The Narcoleptic's boots fall out. One landing in puddle and the other landing on the door openers feet. (The Narcoleptic has a habit of taking their shoes off whenever they "Nap"...just like setting the alert on their pager. Thank GOD their feet don't ever seem to smell!!)

He looks down. Then back at me. "Really?! *chuckling* Did you try and wake them when you got here?" Again with the silly questions... "Yep." All this time, we are yelling back and forth to each other you would think it would wake up The Narcoleptic, right?! You would think.

Then- *stirring* Head rolls the other side. *Baby dinosaur noises*...eyes open..."Where...are we?!?". Only at this point does The Narcoleptic notice that I am no longer in the rig. Aaaaaand that they are being starred at...

They take off the seat belt...(that I put on...such a good partner I am)...and jump out of the rig. RIGHT in to the puddle...*GASP* "Where are my boots?!"... The firefighter nudges a boot at her with his feet. Nice!

...What do I look like...your keeper??

Stay tuned for more from the Adventures with My Partner- The Narcoleptic!