It's a decent enough day out to be working. No rain, but not SO SUNNY and amazing to where you contemplate which intestinal ailment you may be suffering from and how the good old Vitamin D is JUST the therapy you need. Iced Grande and I have been busy, like usual. Routine transports today- monotonous.
We clear our last from *Insert Local ER here* and let the Voice in the Sky know that we are ready for our next. (Might as well...only a matter of time before they give one to us anyway.) "And...*SIGH* we're clear."- Iced Grande let's escape his lips like doing so just killed his very soul. "Give us some downtime...DOWNTIME!! I'm friggin' starving!" I strategically blurt out right towards then end of his transmission. Either it will make or break us...but either way- hopefully a few minutes to grab something. At this point my stomach is pretty much boycotting my body due to the hunger strike caused by today's poorly dispersed call volume. *Head cocking to the side- deep thought face* I picture in my head what it would look like if we were to hop out of the rig and start rummaging through the local trash cans in search of food...*SHUDDER* Nah...I can stand to lose a few pounds.
"Okay, this one has been out for a while but we are gonna set you up for it anyway." (Iced Grande is already checking out the city on his phone...of the 2 calls out- this one is RIGHT next to us. Perfect. "Received. Headed that way. *MIC CLICK- end transmission* aaaaaaAAAAAHRGH!! I'm hungry!" Mumble Iced Grande in a sound not unlike the days of Beavis as Cornholio.
As we coast down the hill, "I should just get on-scene and park right behind them...we know they are gonna call us for this one anyway." I say as we roll to a stop at the light just down the street. Green. I pull in to a pay lot 2 blocks away... we can see them. "Yea, true." Iced Grande Mutters as he loads the newest episode of "Top Gear" to watch on his phone.
From where we are, all I can see is both units on-scene; feet shuffling about underneath and on the other side. We wait. I catch up on my "Google" image searching of absolutely nothing important.
"Aaaaaand, we GOT the call. Start on over to "Frequent Flyer Central- Men's edition." (Of course- I just replaced my foot on the brake with the E-Brake and the turning off of the rig. *EYE ROLLING INDUCED SIGH* "Go ahead and show us there already." As I take over Mic duty while the "Top Gear" host's voice comes to a halt by finger tap as Iced Grande replaces his phone once in his hands with shiny new gloves.
As we pull up, we aren't actually picking up from Frequent Flyer Central- Men's Edition. But before you go getting all worried- never fear, just down the block AND one of their daily residents to boot. The extra White Shirts on-scene explain the hefty length of time it took for us to get called in. Already, it looks a little interesting in the world beyond our windshield....out we go!
Our Senior White Shirt starts in with our skinny- "So. This is "Beer Thirty", you seen him before?" *Iced Grande shift glance to patient...wheel's turning...que AH HA! moment and Light bulb on* "Ok, well they called him in 'cuz he was seen take a header here on the sidewalk after what looked like a seizure. He has a history, but isn't post-ictal or delayed- anymore than what you can expect from his "2 beers" he drank today...*Under breath mumble* He smells like a tavern. He doesn't want to go, but he probably should...OR else we'll be back here in 30 minutes for him again."
My gurney is right next to Beer Thirty who is sitting on the ground (safest place for him since he has already lost to the Gravity Monster once today) "Nah maaaaAAN! I have seizure's ALL the time.. I don't need to go. Just help me walk *CHUCKLE* over to Frequent Flyer Central- Men's Edition. I'll be fine Maaah..." This guys is already winning points in my book as he talks to the empty space between a few White Shirts like talking to someone there; head sly dippin' side to side like practicing for a movie part to play Stevie Wonder. "Where's mah glasses? (currently pushed up on his head) I doan wanna loose thoze." As he takes them off and sets them on the ground now, "Where aah they?!". "Don't worry, I've got 'em. I'm going to put them in your hat here and then on the back of the gurney." Blurts of Firefighter Chuckle Stiffler.
After a few minutes pass assuring Beer Thirty that his spectacles are in safe keeping, he agrees to go...under ONE circumstance- "Doan you take me tuh *Insert Local ER Here- Main Campus* take me to the other one...down from it, otherwise I'll start fighting *CHUCKLE*..." Obviously, he does NOT need to be going to the first of the two...so "Alright, let's get you going to *Insert Local ER Here- Runner Up*" Happily stated by Iced Grande with a smirk on his face.
Fire hands us our paperwork and disappears off in to the distance as Beer Thirty latches in to place on the gurney, Iced Grande gets to work on vitals as I shut them in and head up front. I stop and watch Beer Thirty through the back windows for a second...Like watching early Dane Cook Stand-up: SUPER animated and ALL OVER THE PLACE. But...with a smile on his face and some pretty awesome one-liner's.
Heading back up the same way we came down, Iced Grande becomes better acquainted with today's Frequent Flyer- "So, how much did you drink today?" *Heavy "are you kidding me" head roll* "Enough, HA! But not more than normal. I coulda walked." Spoken clearly prior to the alcohol induced slur returning to Beer Thirty's speech. "Ok, and then you had a seizure?"...."No Man! I fell...tripped. *Heavy belly laugh*...no seizure. I'm...*belch, garbled words* drunk...drink." Iced Grande looks up at me looking back in the mirror, we both acknowledge the humor. Iced Grande turns back-"Ok, so you're just drunk then? Alright, not a big deal man, just gotta make sure we know what's going on so we can tell the ER."
This is when the best line I have EVER heard (well in my time working in Latte Mecca) from a Frequent Flyer. And one whose blood alcohol right now is higher than mine and Iced Grande's could ever be even if you added ours together and for every legal drinking year under our belts. Not quick thinker's the heavily intoxicated ;-)
"I'm not a drunk...I'm a connoisseur of inebriating beverages!" So very matter a factly stated by a very impressed and proud Beer Thirty. Iced Grande and I lose it at the same time...Beer Thirty joins us. The laughter inside our Sick Bus makes me feel like I should just keep on driving...right on over to the funny farm on the other side of the pond.
Most Frequent Flyer's- of the "Inebriated" kind tend to be ornery, combative, uncooperative, rude, belligerent and FAR from quick witted. But today, Beer Thirty pleasantly surprised us with this gem, as well as quite a few more. Beer Thirty- We thank you for your "Sit-down" Improv Comedy skit.
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