On Shift Short Stories- Volume 5: "Surviving the Battle through Pill Hill"

Ambulance War Stories- we all have them. Usually though, depicting flashbacks of foul smells, patients who fight you, or seas of unnecessary bodily fluids sloshing through your Sick Bus...never do we find ourselves involved in them as part of the front line of enemy forces...against your own partner. That's where I found myself last shift. Stunned from what was going on around me & wishing I too was issued a helmet to protect me from shrapnel...

*******Disclaimer- "The following is based on real events. No portion being changed or dramatized & may not be suitable for viewing of children. Parental discretion is advised."*******... ;-P

                            "Ambulance War Games: Surviving the Battle Through Pill Hill": 

This story is short. It requires no fancying or careful word selecting to assure the entire picture is expressed. The fact that I'm writing it makes me happy (That I am alive) and disgusted it even exists to become a post to share...And by "disgusted", I am referring to the disgust towards My partner's actions (Disregard for patient and partner safety with their dangerous driving/disregard for policy)...NOT WITH MY PATIENT!!- to clarify the point of this story, to those who have made statements questioning my "Unpleasant personality. PS- this story is not meant to be funny ny any means!). Consider me complaining if you must. Though I have ridden tech in the Sick Bus with driving border-lining on uncomfortable from few partners, but NEVER with that Textbook MI feeling of "Impending Doom".

Have you ever thought, "Man! I'm glad we have belts I'm the back!" - after your partner narrowly avoided an MVA with your typical "Mr. Distracted Texting while driving" who failed to stop on their Red light? Yep. I know I have. But...

...while flying through the back of the Sick Bus thinking, "if...I...could...only REACH them..."- wishing there had been time to strap in, I try to dodge everything being vomited out of the cupboards. Fortunately with the amount of extra space now provided for supplies, as door slide- slamming open, many are empty. "Dammit. Lost my seal, again!"- Muttering under my breath. I try to continue bagging my pt who has lost their airway due to massive CVA & keep them from being thrown off the gurney...while I duck to avoid being strangled by the BVM O2 tubing. Throwing my glance forward to the front- I yell to my partner to "take it easy on your turns, PLEASE!"...biting down on my tongue as my teeth slam together after a direct hit to Manhole Land mine #1 (To find out that would not be the last). We turn hard again. My attempt to brace myself lasts all of 2 seconds before finding myself on the floor next to my patient...I can't even tell if he's breathing from how violently we are bouncing down the road. Pulling myself back to the head of the gurney, I make a seal to bag again, now screaming in between holding my breath in fear (NOT kidding) at Srgt. Lead Foot of Doom- who believes code driving requires speeds necessary of escape the apparent growing fault line opening up (from a shift by the tectonic plates) that must be chasing behind us just like in the movie "2012" with John Cusack- to "SLOW THE EFF DOWN! We need to actually GET there..Don't kill us first!"...while driving straight through & striking one of the exposed manhole covers following the one a block ago. It's obvious we have found an entire minefield of them now as we swerve & jerk down the torn up city street of construction. Sick Bus making noises I've only heard from U-Boats being torn apart as they pass below safe water depths. 

I try calling in report to *Insert Local ER Here*. Unsuccessful. The cord of the Mic snapping back and recoiling out of my hand. Now pretty much laying across my patient to keep them from any more direct attacks from supplies up above. "You NEED to SLOW down!!" All I hear from upfront is a muffled "Oh, ok." Then followed by the siren disappearing to an occasional *Blip* as we roll through every red light (camera and otherwise), only to SLAM on the brakes (to avoid the "stupid truck didn't stop for us!! They almost hit us"-F.N.G.)

"Just shut down completely if you're not going to keep your siren on! You're throwing us and everything around back here!! Ease up!"...Another red light. I'm crumpled on the floor. Death grip to the stretcher, and the seal to the face of my patient- respiration's irregular, fatigued at best...not just the patient. *Insert Local ER Here* copies my, "Neuro, but non-trauma Cushing's Triad symptoms...vomiting- with obv aspiration in lungs bilat...age. Gender.". We should have been there already...

...I now know what being in the battle scene in Saving Private Ryan was like if it were in the back of my Sick Bus. But instead of bullets & mortars, there were penlight missiles, Sodium Chloride bombs & erupting boxes of 4x4 explosions...ending with bodies strewn across a battlefield of near death experience (the patient care cab). For the first time in my career I actually had a "this is IT" moment. 

Then- after clearing *Insert Local ER Here* they ask you, "So, do you want me to drive so you can finish that?"...*heart- pounding; vision tunneling in...High pitched ringing in ears returns as you become SOB from flashbacks* Without speaking, you dart for the drivers seat like escaping another incoming aerial attack.

I drive back to the barn...total silence. Noticing little things. The way headlights hit the fog; how the heat from the vents hits my skin but chills my bones...this must be what it feels like after almost dying. *UNCOMFORTABLE SHUDDER*. Thank god it is time to clock out...

Stay safe out there...